Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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