Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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