her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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