My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
