I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
