My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
