can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
