the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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