farters have to be the big spoon...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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