i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
