Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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