i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
