so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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