I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize