"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
