I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
