omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
