Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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