hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it's great music for shaving your balls
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
