just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
