Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
