When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
