Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
