not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
