Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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