i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
