I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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