It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
