where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
time to smoke my breakfast
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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