There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
only if we run a train.
done.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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