Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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