Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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