It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
