I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
