We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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