You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
