so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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