apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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