Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
