its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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