Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
