This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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