No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
