I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
