So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
