He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
