Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
