I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Plan B is the new Plan A
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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