Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
