Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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