I would go down on you faster than GM stock
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
