do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
