Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
