Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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