I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
