We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
