pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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