I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
