I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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