How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
