I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
