ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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