wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
