It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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