Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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